So this one’s all about relationships!
I want to share an important lesson I’m learning right now, w/o giving TOO much insight into my personal relationship, of course.
Lol, ok but for real, from kindergarten to 11th grade I had boyfriends non-stop. From 11th – College, I “talked” to guys with no commitment pretty much non-stop. I didn’t have a lot of boyfriends from 11th grade on, but I kept a few potentials on deck. What was the harm? No commitment + occasional free meals + nice male company = the good life. Orrr so I thought.
Out of all the guys I’d dated or talked to, only one I can honestly say I was interested in (kinda lol)…all the others were me “giving the guy a chance.” That’s exactly what I thought of it as. If a guy showed interest and pursued me long enough, I’d finally give in and say “ok, I’ll see how this goes.” None of them ever worked out. My mom said I was a heart breaker cause I’d always dump the guys. To this day, I’ve never been dumped…I would always be the one to cut the relationship off and all those break ups weren’t the nicest. Yes, I was even rude at times. A cold, heartless chick breaking some amazing guys’ hearts. I will say every guy I’ve dated/talked to, treated me with respect, they were attentive and caring….jusssst NOT for me.
My current relationship is totally different from all those in my past. I’m not giving the details of how we came to be, but I will say, this one’s special. Even if this doesn’t last forever, I know 100% that this is one the most AMAZING relationships I’ve ever had. That doesn’t just go for dating relationships, I’m talking across the board, friendships and all.
So far, I think the biggest thing I’ve learned, or I should say, I’m learning, is “Be the Lady.” I’ve been the dominant character in my life and in mostly all of my previous relationships, so I’m really experiencing for the first time what it means to “Fall back and let him lead.” Honestly, it’s been a struggle. Hey! I’m a first-born, we’re natural born leaders! I have all these ideas and dreams and hopes of how I think things should be right now, but more often than not, my dreams do not become reality. Don’t get me wrong, these “failed dreams” are in no way compromises, they’re actually putting me in my place!
You see, I’m the visionary type. I get ideas ALL THE TIME! Business ideas, design ideas, event & party ideas…I’m just used to having visions and making them reality. So when trying to apply that same way of life to this relationship, it didn’t work! How could it not? It’s worked in EVERY other aspect of my life since forever!
I’m gonna end it with this:
1) Ladies we’re smart, but we weren’t built to lead men in relationships…we’re supposed to support. If you argue with this point, you might just have an issue with pride, submission or just accepting the truth period! It’s still a struggle for me, but its so true.
Now in a dating context, this does not mean that the guy has control over you. Until you are married you still have a lot of freedom in the decision-making arena, however, I do think this has a HUGE part to do with the direction of the relationship. You can’t push a guy to move forward, he must go ahead of you and bring you along with him. Don’t believe me? Try telling a guy you’ve talked to for a month that you’re gonna marry him without him even giving you a commitment to exclusivity. I promise that potential relationship would be a wrap before it even started.
Men are made to lead and their partners are created to follow, support and encourage. Don’t run ahead of the dude.
2) Being led is a beautiful thing. There’s WAY less pressure in the backseat. I’m honestly glad I don’t have the wheel. Every decision is so critical, this is why it’s important to be with someone who actually has a relationship with God, not someone who just believes in His existence. MAJOR difference there. This helps on soooo many levels, even in the small things like picking what issues to talk about and which ones to just leave on the prayer list without stirring up any salty feelings. God is definitely the glue that holds true, long-lasting relationships together. And as long as both people involved are talking to God before they talk to each other, more than likely they’ll eventually end up on the same page, no matter what the topic, issue or decision. God is just dope like that.
That’s all for now. I’m just learning to enjoy the beauty of being a lady who doesn’t have to always take control and have her way. I’m nowhere near having this concept down, but at least I see where I’m trying to go!
So! Sound off! What are some of the most important things you’ve learned through relationships (dating, or non-dating)?
P.S. Oh! And to bring Jesus to the forefront of this post, our relationships are a reflection of Christ’s relationship to us, his Bride, so you can apply these same things to Him! Meaning, let GOD lead you, not yourself AND accept your position as a Christ FOLLOWER! Get out of the way & let Him actually lead. I promise He’ll take GREAT care of you!