So for those who’ve known me a little while and followed my blog, you know that every year (for the past 4 years) on my birthday I write a post of reflection. So, here it is!
The past year of my life has been almost everything I wanted, but nothing at all what I expected. How does that work, you ask? Well basically, a lot of the things I wanted to do actually happened! I went to Africa, moved to Nashville, got to do some work in the music industry, started a business, got my Masters in Entertainment Business, traveled a lot, and got a new car!
Side note: Ok, so I wasn’t gonna share that car part, but it’s been on my “big items” list along with some of these other things for a while.
Back to the point…so I got to scratch a lot of things off my “big items” to-do list this past year, but the interesting part of it all is that although I accomplished a lot of the things I wanted, not one of them turned out to be what I expected. The things I expected the least from (Africa & Nashville), became the most rewarding and life changing. The things I thought would make a big difference (Masters degree, starting a business & industry work) actually have me wondering, what the point of it all was in the first place??
Life is funny like that, I guess.
So here I sit at 25…Confused.
Ok, people don’t get all spiritual with the “confusion is of the devil” business. Hear me out!
I’m confused at how I got to where I am today. First off, what happened to me being 16?!? I think someone pressed the “skip” button on the remote of my life a few times! Lol But seriously, how did I get to the point where everything I ever wanted, dreamed of and imagined, is now the most unfulfilling?
I’m no expert on these things, but I think for me personally, I can point out the exact time period that God totally threw me off my personally charted plan and took hold of my heart. THIS was my turning point. At age 24, God shook my world and I will never be the same…at least that’s my prayer.
I’ll spare you all the details, but when I seriously asked God to “break my heart for what breaks His,” He absolutely did it and because of that prayer my priorities have changed; my passions have changed, my purpose has changed. Of course it didn’t change from what God originally intended for me, but it changed from what I was thinking all these years.
I know this is getting long for some of you so I’m skipping ahead to my final thoughts. For the first time since I’ve been doing this “Me @ whatever age I’m at” post, my personal blog is down, so I’m having to post this on Facebook. I find this significant because this fact seems to be paralleling with my life. My blog got completely deleted back in April and hasn’t been up since then. I’m absolutely broke. I have no job and no source of income. I’m currently living back in my parents’ house & for the next month, I’m sharing a room with my little brother.
Not quite the life you’d expect from a 25 year old with two degrees right? Right.
Here’s what I DO know. I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be today. I have absolutely no doubt that I’m on course with God’s plan for me. Some things God has already showed me are going to happen…I have no clue how. Many of those things I fought for a long time, but have finally surrendered. I’ve noticed, the more I surrendered to God, the more He let die and end.
The more I’ve surrendered, the more He’s also surprised me with things I didn’t even expect or know I needed! Yes, that applies to a special someone ;)
But all in all, it’s a pruning process. Out with the old, in with the new sort of thing. It can be crazy for a second when you look up and you’re the only thing still standing. It’s like you’re standing in a desert and all these dead dreams, dead relationships, dead visions, dead accomplishments are laying around you…it’s like they’ve all lost their color and are beginning to fade into the desert sand, becoming more and more hazy. As this is happening, you’re becoming less and less attached to those things.
As for my future? I know glimpses of it, but not the whole picture. Whatever it is, I know it’s totally different from everything I’m leaving behind in the desert. So! This next year of life should be quite the adventure! I’m ready though, because I have everything to gain and nothing left to loose.
Let’s get it, God! I’m totally yours now!
My current theme song: