Tonight I received an email from an ex-boyfriend that got me to thinking. This particular guy and me dated in high school and tonight I found out, that 12 or 13 years later, he still thinks about and is hurt from our breakup. I would have never guessed it.
What’s even more interesting is that I recall my mom calling me a “heartbreaker,” while growing up. And then I realized, the heartbreaking started young for me. REAL young.
I was 5 years old when I snagged my first serious crush. This kid carved my name in the headboard of his bed! We. Were. Five! From that point on I casually “talked to” and “dated” whoever would consistently pursue me. After a bit of persistence and “chase,” I’d finally say “ok” to the guy and within a few months (in some cases days and in a couple cases, years) I would break up with them because their breath stank or I was bored or I never liked them in the first place. I was pretty bad.
So about 8 months ago, I realized the need to ask the Lord for forgiveness in this area of life. I realized that I’d been consumed with male attention and replacing my need/desire for a savior with the excitement of being pursued by guys.
I wrote a list of all the guys I’d ever done this with. My list totaled to 15 people. Only one of these 15 broke up with me, all the others, I ended. I spent time in prayer and read scriptures. I prayed for the Lord to break any soul ties that may have been developed and caused any habits, false self-perceptions and known or unknown issues. I asked Him to forgive me and make me whole. And He did! That very day.
After hearing from my ex today, I just really want to apologize to all my exes. I don’t have ways to contact all of them so I figured I’d just post it here for them to stumble upon at some point in life, possibly. Plus it may encourage someone else to seek healing in this area in his or her own life!
So here we go!
Dear Mr. Ex:
I want to start this off by saying I’m sorry for hurting you. I won’t use the excuse of being young and immature, but I will say, my heart may have been a bit farther away from God than it is now. You didn’t deserve to be walked over or taken advantage of and I apologize for not respecting you and not caring about your heart. I pray that whatever damages I may have caused you, be supernaturally healed and restored by the flawless and abundant love of Jesus Christ. May His perfection and love for you restore any parts that may be wounded because of something I did or said. I am truly sorry and hope that you can forgive me.
Thank you for treating me well, being patient with me despite my foolishness and for respecting my privacy and my family.
I also want to thank you for never pressuring me to have sex. My virginity is very important to me and I thank you for honoring my request in that major area of life. You didn’t try to take it from me and you respected that boundary and because of that I have a beautiful gift to give to my future husband.
I pray that you continue to grow closer to the Lord and that you will be the awesome leader, husband and father God has designed you to be. I believe there are great things ahead for you.
And to my future husband!
I promise to guard my heart and protect it from this day forward so when you find me, I won’t have any missing pieces. I promise not to flirt with or entertain the attention of counterfeits that may show up during this time of growth and preparation. I promise to honor you now, before I even know who you are. I will pray for you and I will prepare for your arrival by living in service to God and others. I pray you find me to be a helpful, encouraging, selfless, teammate and friend for as long as we live.