Today was one of those rare days that we will never see again in our lifetime. Today was a palindrome! What’s that you ask? Well, a palindrome is a word or sentence that is the same spelled forward or backward and today’s date was indeed a palindrome! 01022010! SEE!
Although it is now 2010, I doubt that for many people when the clock struck 12, all of their problems from 2009 instantly disappeared. I know at least for me they didn’t! Honestly, I thought I was crazy or borderline depressed today because my stuff still looked the same as it did three days ago in 2009!
So what I want to do is rewind my evening for you. I want to play you the tape of my mind/life and show you what God showed me as it relates to the baggage that has carried over into this amazing new, 2010! Here’s your first class ticket aboard Kandis’ Revelation Express!
BLAST TO THE PAST (which was just a few hours ago lol):
Everyone else seems so excited and elated about the dawn of a new year, but me? I’m honestly not so thrilled. Why? Because I’m looking at the same situations I was dealing with before. My bank account hasn’t changed, my family problems are still the same, I’m still jacked up in some areas I was jacked up in, in ’09, I’m still seeking and listening for direction and guidance, I’m still struggling with the same sins…and the list goes on.
I’m tired! And I want to be excited about life and the start of a new year, but I can’t. All I want to do is cry because I don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. God, I don’t even feel like you’re paying me any attention right now! At the time I need to hear from you and feel you the most, I’m feeling neglected! I need you!
I began to sing and pray the word’s to Kirk Franklin’s “Hide Me.” See them below:
I know You see us, I know You hear us when we pray You understand us, see deep inside us, translate tears then take ’em away I’m a be honest, there are times, Your ways and methods, I don’t understand You seem so far, tell me who You are, I know Your touch, but can’t see Your plan I’m lost in this thing called life, left to me now feels right It’s Your turn now, I wanna be where You are
I wanna be where you are [Bridge] ’Cause there’s so much I see needs to grow inside of me In the fire I realize before I lived I have to die Please believe me when I say I can’t waste another day It’s so easy to complain, but complainin’ don’t make it change Not the victim anymore, all the things God has in store If I ain’t ready don’t let the rain go away Don’t go away
So I’m meditation on this song and all I keep hearing God say is “My strength is made perfect in your weakness.” Over an over, it’s going in my head. So I look it up, 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So I began to take on the mindset that Paul had in verses 9-10. Paul says “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
It was at this moment my tears turned from sadness and despair to submission and trust. Trusting that He’s got me and that this isn’t about me anyway! It’s all for His glory, that God and God alone deserves. I laid on my floor and cried, and for about a ½ hour, I could not move my body. Every time I attempted to get up, I felt a weight on my body. I was stuck on my face before a holy and perfect God and I knew at that moment of weakness and absolutely no physical control, I was being made strong.
NOW BACK TO PRESENT:
I think the fact that God revealed all this to me on this grand Palindrome Day, is a great testament to his faithfulness and consistent love. I kinda feel like it’s His own little way of telling me whether looking backwards or going forward, He’s got me. And there’s no need in looking back, because He’ll prove himself to be the same faithful God going forward. If he brought you through 2009, Dude’s TOTALLY got you in 2010. And although I may not see the light just yet, I’m resting and trusting in His forever faithfulness, and you should definitely do the same!