I can feel it. Something’s moving; something’s changing.
If you’ve read the last few months of my blog, you could probably sense I was in an interesting season; some call it a “winter”. One of pain, isolation, not-so-funness (ok, I made up a word, who cares? lol) and a LOT of crying and listening. I have learned, and continue to learn, about God in such a real and tangible way. It’s been…well, EXHAUSTING!!!!! LOL Not the word you were expecting, huh?
So last Saturday I was talking to a friend. I said “I don’t think I’m gonna go to church tomorrow. I have a feeling I’m not gonna get a word.” Side note: First of all, who EXPECTS to not hear from God at church??? Sad. But I was so sincere. I thought God was done talking to me for a while! My friend laughed and thought I was crazy for thinking such a thought.
Fast forward to 9:00am Sunday morning…I’m in the car driving to 9:30 service and I’m SAD!!! Like really sad…on the brink of depression sad. You feel the heaviness? So on the verge of tears I said, “Lord, I’m tired!” The rest continued as thoughts and prayers in my head, “I’m tired of being isolated, I’m tired of this season. I’m ready for a change. How much more of this?…” And these thoughts continued until I pulled up to the church at 9:35.
Fast forward again and it’s time for the sermon “Turn to Song of Solomon,” the preacher says. My first thought, “I KNEW I wasn’t gonna get a word today.”
“Today I’m gonna preach to you from the subject ‘Shift Happens,’” the preacher said. My thoughts: *sarcastically* Great!
Then this dude begins his message. Can I tell you that every, single word applied to my life! God is quite funny!
“Rejoice in your enduring seed!” he said, “You’ve experienced separation, you’ve been out of your comfort zone, but you’ve endured…and now you’re ready to embark upon a new season!”
Now, honestly, during his sermon I’m thinking, “This sounds great and all but it’s not for me…is it? Am I hearing all this right? But its still winter! This season can’t really be up! Don’t I have to wait till the seasons change? Isn’t the weather a reflection of my spiritual life? Cause ever since it turned cold outside, my life hasn’t been the same!”
Now yall don’t laugh at me, I was really thinking all of this! And no I’ve never been taught this, I just “felt” like when the sun finally shined again and the temperature warmed up, my life would miraculously be better! LOL…stop laughing at me! Ha!
So then this preacher goes on to say, “It’s not about a physical season ending! It’s a spiritual season!”
What??? Did he just say that one sentence real quick outta nowhere? Now at this point I KNEW the sermon was for me!
After church, I was MUCH better then I was when I went in. I felt so good I went home and cleaned up…like thoroughly cleaned (I had no motivation before). I washed comforters and rugs, sheets and clothes, the bathroom, filed papers…I felt it was time I got things in order! Brighten up the place! I had a little pep in my step! Ok, you get it!
Now! Fast forward, for the last time (I promise!), and we’re at today! It’s now Thursday (well technically Friday since it’s 1:10am) and looking back over the week, I must say I feel quite accomplished!
I’ve been in a season of drought as it relates to my work. I’ve ALWAYS had work responsibilities, except for the past ‘eh 3 or 4 months. I didn’t know what to do! My phone wasn’t ringing! I wasn’t getting any emails (OR money, hello! lol)! I wasn’t needed for anything by anyone! Now THIS was a first! Honestly, I did at times feel like a bum, but I also knew without a doubt that the Lord absolutely single-handedly wanted and put me in that place. Away from the people, away from the hustle and bustle, away from the noise, alone…with Him.
It was during these months that God began to tell me what He wanted me to do, how He wanted me to live. He and I became the closest we’ve ever been. He was training me to handle things. He taught me how far $20 could go. He taught me that I can’t do anything without Him. He taught me that He’s a healer. He taught me that He loves me. He taught me the importance of obedience. He taught me that He wants and deserves every smidge of glory out of my life. But the biggest lesson He taught me was to trust Him.
So let me speed this along because I know you’re getting antsy…God is slowly bringing me out of this place of isolation. He’s already shown me the next few steps of my journey. I know I’m on the cusp of this major life change, and although I said I wanted out before, I’m actually going to miss SOME aspects of the past few months. I’m going to miss being alone with God ALL day. I’m going to miss not being needed by a single human being. I’m going to miss going an entire day without speaking a single word. I now cherish this time and this season I’ve experienced.
I realize that I may never again in this lifetime be able to experience this. It both saddens me and brings me joy because it was ROUGH, yet it was so beautiful and perfect.
So what I decided today, is I am going to cherish the end of this thing. I’m going to milk it for all it’s worth because I’ve got about 7-14 days left of it. I want to spend as much time in His presence as I can while managing the few responsibilities He’s recently added to my plate. I just want to be with Him as much as I can, for as long as I can, for as long as I’m alive. And the older I get, the harder this will become.
So to you I say, enjoy where you are! Don’t rush anything. We only get to do this once so lets cherish it. Let’s behold the beauty of every single second we get no matter what that second holds.
That’s all! :)
Oh! In case you were wondering he preached from Song of Solomon 2:10-13