Are You “The One”?

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I, Kandis Davis, want to get married and have kids.

It has taken longer than many of you would believe, for me to be able to make that statement without going into a rant of disclaimers about how content and “not ready now” I am.

I read an UberFact on Twitter today that read, “66% of surveyed single men and women say the reason for them being single is they have yet to find their soul mate.”

I just read the beginning of that last sentence again and judged myself for quoting UberFacts as a credible source…listen, that’s not the point. Stay with me, we’re going somewhere great, I promise.

I’m pretty much convinced that a large number of single people are unmarried because they’re looking for/desiring the wrong things.

Most people have this idea of how they’ll meet their mate and fall in love instantly, or that they’ll know without a doubt a certain person is to be their spouse not soon after meeting them, then they’d develop these deep feelings for the person that eventually lead them to marriage because they simply can’t imagine a day without each other.

IMG_1883Now, for some real-life people, this has happened, but I think more often than not, these types of stories are seen most, in movies.

I had this same idea at one point too. I thought I’d need to have this deep attraction towards someone and I’d need to be at a place where I didn’t want to do anything without this person before I knew they were the one I wanted to marry.

It was all about attraction, shared values, and shared interests in my original opinion; but something shifted for me…majorly shifted…and I think if people, particularly, unmarried Christians, would begin to shift their perspective on this topic of finding and marrying “The One,” we would see an increase in marriages, a decrease in divorce, and an overall rise in solid family units within the body of Christ.

The Shift

What have I discovered that caused this major shift?

Well, I’m glad you asked. As I write, I’m sitting on the couch in my friend’s apartment in Washington, D.C. I can literally see our nation’s capitol from the living room window to my right.

Same-sex marriages have been legally recognized in this city for over half a decade now. Washington, D.C. became the first jurisdiction in the United States below the Mason-Dixon Line to allow same-sex couples to marry.

Now this post is not at all intended to be about same-sex marriage, but I find it quite interesting and very significant that I’m writing on this topic from D.C.

Less than one month ago, 28 days to be exact, thousands were protesting at the Capitol as the U.S. Supreme Court prepares to make a decision on same-sex marriage next month.

Sidenote: You can sign this petition to stand for marriage, as sanctioned by God, here: www.defendmarriage.org

Without doubt, this decision will affect our entire nation. The best way to sum up the most important thing I’ve realized during this personal shift, can be found in the words of an Orthodox priest named Hans Jacobse.

“Marriage begins with God, not with the state,” he said.

Indeed. It does, Priest Hans. Indeed, it does.

I believe that just like God has a plan and purpose for every life, He also has a plan and purpose for every marriage.

As Christians, we shouldn’t get married for companionship, sex, or to keep up with society’s expectations of what adults should do.

We should get married with the hope and intent to fulfill the purposes of God, to advance His Kingdom’s agenda, and to accomplish what He designed marriage to accomplish.

And yes, this includes pro-creation, aka making babies (which I expect will be a fun process), but it also includes waaaaay more.

Finding The One

Some friends of mine just put out this book called, The One: An Amazing Love Story Starts with You. You may be familiar with their story, “The Surprise Wedding,” in which Ryan proposed to and married Amanda all in the same day. If you haven’t watched their viral video, I’ve placed it at the end of this post for you to see. It’s quite epic.

On to the point: They wrote this book and honestly, I read it out of obligation. I told them I’d review it but only after I’d actually read it and to my surprise, I came home to a personal, autographed copy of it two days later.

Dang.

“Guess I’ll put my current book on pause and read this one since they’re serious,” was my honest thought at the onset of picking up this book. Mainly because I really don’t like dating books…at all.

Plus I mean, I watched the video, Ryan and I had a couple convos during their dating stage, we had them on Daystar—like…I know the story—or so I thought.

I read the book in just a few sittings and to my surprise, it not only clearly articulated, in detail, everything I’ve come to understand about marriage lately, but it also challenged and encouraged me beyond what I could’ve ever imagined.

Frankly, I think everyone married, newly married, or desiring to be married, needs to read this book. In fact, I’m about to start giving them away like Oprah.

“You Get “The One!” And You Get “The One!” And…”

Think I’m playing?IMG_1877

One of my favorite things about the book is that at the end of each chapter, there are three practical applications: One Question to Ask Yourself, One thing to Remember, and One Thing to Work On.

In addition to the awesomeness of practical application, two of the points that have recently shifted my view on marriage are covered beautifully and I’d like to wrap this post with those two points (Mostly in Ryan & Amanda’s words cause they articulate it beautifully):

1. Be Intentional with God

“Being intentional with God about your relationship before it even begins is the best thing you can do to lay the foundation for a healthy marriage.

How will you recognize the person God has meant for you if you’re not intentional with Him? Take some time to think about your purpose for dating. Do you want someone you can change your community with, serve God with, or change the world with? Set your intention now, and then run from everyone else until you meet the one!

Who you choose to marry will have the greatest impact on your destiny.”

Basically, God knows us best. God knows our spouse best. And God knows what we all need, best. So get to know God and be with Him as much as possible. From there, He’ll work out everything else.

2. Create Culture

I’ve heard it said that more time is spent on planning a wedding than planning a marriage. So far, I’m thankful to say that the opposite is true for me and I hope such remains the case as I actually get to the point where it’s time to plan a wedding.

Since January 2014 I’ve kept a notebook in Evernote just for “Him & Them,” my future husband and kids. In it, I have everything from questions I want to ask him (once we’re moving towards marriage) to vacation ideas to dinner recipes to couples I’d want us to be friends with and more. I’ve also written down what I want our home to be like. Not the way it will look and be decorated (which I have done a little bit of that on Pinterest), but how we will live in our home, how I hope people will feel when they come over, some of the things I hope others gain when they stop by or interact with me, my husband and my children.

I can 100% say that this was a God-given idea because at the time I started this notebook, I was in the “Lord, send him one day, but not today please,” place. I was sporadically thinking about marriage, but it wasn’t something I felt “ready” for.

IMG_1881When I read about this in Ryan and Amanda’s book, I realized God had me preparing for marriage and I didn’t even realize it! In the book, they ask these questions:

“How do you want people to feel one day when they walk into your home? What are the things you prioritize above all else? What values do you want to instill in your children? What makes you tick?”

I could talk about this and more for hours, but I’m going to wrap this up because you’ve now read like 1400 words (which is very impressive in the 21st century so kudos to you!).

The reason I wanted to share all of this with you is because so many people tend to have selfish, self-serving desires for marriage and I think this is keeping a lot of people from choosing and committing to someone to marry.
If you aren’t looking for the one that God can further establish His purposes in you with, you could possibly be searching from a pretty shallow perspective. From such place, you can disqualify tons of qualified people, simply because their nose is too big or their job isn’t the best or they’re not interested in sports the way you are.
We, my friends, are missing the entire point. As Ryan & Amanda put it:

“An amazing love story starts with you, but you’re not meant to be together just for you. When God brings the best “you” together with the best Mr. or Miss Right, it’s so you can be the picture of His love in the world.”

A Little Fun Surprise

Now! Because I’m so passionate about my generation having a healthy perspective on marriage and because I so firmly believe everyone married or desiring to be married, should read this book, I’m doing my first ever giveaway!

IMG_2468Annnnnd I’ve decided to not just giveaway one or two or four, but I’m giving away 10 copies of The One! 10 copies that I’ve purchased with my own money because I’m that serious about this…and about you…and your marriage that either already is or is to be.

So! All you have to do is comment below, answering either one or both of the following questions:

1. Did this post help or change your perspective on marriage? How?
2. What is one or two of the practical ways you’re going to work on your marriage now?

I’ll randomly select the winners and announce them here on the blog on Wednesday, May 20th, 2015.

Can’t wait to hear from you! Share this with friends using #TheOneBookGiveaway and check out Ryan & Amanda’s story below!

Full Length (31 mins)

Short Version (7 mins)

56 Comments
  • Vanessa Newell
    June 8, 2015

    i am too late for your giveaway but this was such a practical post. It helped me realize that I wasn’t crazy for wanting to have a plan for culture within my marriage & home(btw I want my family to sit down together for dinner at least 3-4 times a week with no interruptions like tv or cell phones). It’s so important to know these details & stand by them. Also, I know your beyond awesome friend Rheva! She has said how awesome you are, & this was do great!!

  • Thaimu Ali Green
    May 31, 2015

    Word, Ms. Davis. Word.

  • Leslie Upton
    May 19, 2015

    1. Did this post help or change your perspective on marriage? How?

    Hey Kandis, I love your blog. Thanks for posting on Facebook, or I may have missed this post. I will subscribe, since you aren’t really doing Facebook. I want be in the loop, since all the posts I’ve read in the past have expanded the ways in which I reflect on my relationship with God and helped to deepen my relationship with Him. This is no different. I think I’ve been in a place where I know that I want my relationship be a team effort in redeeming culture for Christ. However, I haven’t written it out. I never really thought that seeking God about this and clearly articulating the vision was a part of the marriage preparation process. It makes perfect sense. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.”

    2. What is one or two of the practical ways you’re going to work on your marriage now?

    First, I need to seek God’s wisdom. Since he knows me best. Next, I need to write it down an make it plain. This could not have come at a better time as I continue to seek God for his will and purpose for my life as a recent graduate. As I pray for God’s guidance, I will pray for my future spouse in these areas, as well.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Leslie!! I love this and I’m so encouraged by your comments! Praying for you as you get specific in your desires and vision for your future. I know God will honor your intentionality.

  • Vanessa Grant
    May 19, 2015

    Great post Kandis!

    The one thing that I’ve learned from reading your post is that both my beau and I need to strengthen our intentions with God. We both are strong supporters of individuality–that is, maintaining our own personal fulfillment while supporting each others needs. The balance is not quite there, so it’s important that we establish this before marriage.

    All in all, I am blessed to have such an amazing partner. I look forward to us growing together in Christ.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      V!! Whattup? Thanks for reading girl! And yes, I’m all for being complete and whole as individuals as well cause unhealthy co-dependency is another issue/topic. But yes, there has to be a balance and something that brings you together. Common goals and desires you’re working towards together. The thing that makes you “Us/We” instead of “me and him.” So glad you found this helpful!

  • Nyisha Haughton
    May 19, 2015

    Did this post help or change your perspective on marriage? How?

    What is one or two of the practical ways you’re going to work on your marriage now?

    Kandis, first of all I loved your blog! I have been with my husband for almost 7 years, and initially felt your book giveaway was better suited for singles, hence my delay in entering. After reading your blog I agree with you and think this book is beneficial for everyone. (With that being said I guess I’m answering both questions.)

    I believe that it did help to change my perspective on marriage. I am very into Disney movies and love stories and I use to believe (before I got married) that happily ever after happens magically. After being married I now understand happily ever after happens miraculously with God’s help, and putting forth daily effort to keep the love alive. I believe that’s what your blog explains. Just as we are to be intentional with God about our relationship we need to be intentional with our spouse about our relationship. Making goals and reviewing those goals to make sure they are still attainable. Continuously growing together in ever aspect of our lives. I think as you are being intentional it will inevitably create the culture you mentioned.

    That brings me to the practical way I plan to work on my marriage now. I plan to change and create a new culture in our home and within our family. One that not only speaks of Love and grace, but one that’s continuously shows love and grace to everyone who enters the door or our presence. I want the culture of our family to be one that is different than the norm. I want everyone to feel love and grace and seek more. I want them to understand that what we give is nothing in comparison to God’s love and grace.

    Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I plan to share this book with others whether I win it or buy it. You are a blessing!

    Nyisha Haughton

    P. S. I apologize for being long winded…but LOVE is one of my many passions!

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Nyisha! Nothing is long winded to me! :) I’m glad you commented and this “happily ever after happens miraculously with God’s help” — I love! Great perspective. So glad that you read it. It is definitely something that can be shared with married and unmarried people, no doubt! I hope you’ll pick up a copy of the book! It’ll be worth it and I’m so excited about your new goals and desires for your marriage and family! God will be honored by your decision to make your lives and home a reflection of His love and grace!

  • Tonya D.
    May 19, 2015

    Hey Kandis!!! Very interesting blog, I thoroughly enjoyed it! I am engaged and I am very intrigued with this book, “Are You The One,” because it makes me think about our future and how our household would be amongst other things. Thanks for the post, peace and blessings!!!

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Tonya!!! Congrats on the engagement! So glad you read the post and hope you’ll check out the book as well! It may be something yall could even read together! Praying for your future union!!

  • Erin Butler
    May 19, 2015

    I am not married but I do desire to read the book. To know that what I am looking for is the right things. Being Intentional with God, having him guide my ways, my relationship and one day Marriage. Some times i am not sure what Signs God is trying to send me or put in my ways of my relationship now., but I do want to know how someone else has done it and how to build the relationship/marriage I have always desired.
    Your blog was amazing to read.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Thanks for reading and commenting Erin! I believe that as you put God first and make Him your first priority, all of your other questions will soon be sorted and answered. Relationships of all kinds are God’s favorite and speciality. He designed and created it and can best show us how to have healthy ones that honor Him and bring Him glory.

  • Lance Hardin
    May 19, 2015

    I, first, have to say that I really enjoyed this article. Having been a father, married and divorced at a very young age, I have spent many years trying to right the wrong decisions made in subsequent relationships. I didn’t understand that, initially, I wasn’t ready, and when I was ready, I wasn’t completely in sync with God’s desires. (In this article is the second notice I’ve received to simply write down questions and ideas I have for my future wife, along with goals and so much more. I absolutely love that!) To me, that is the time where God takes me into the creation room to download His desires for my heart to desire. I had the “big picture” perspective when it comes to my future wife and children and our married life, but I believe God wanted me to have vivid details and pictures of how my help-meet and I would compliment each other. So, one thing I’ll definitely take away is spending more time “writing the vision, and making it plain.”

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      I love it! Lance holding it down for the fellas! And I think it’s hugely important for you as the man of your children and wife to do this. A woman loves a man with a plan and God desires for every home to be led by a man with a vision and a heart that’s after Him. So keep pressing Lance! You’re gonna make a great husband and your children are already and will be further blessed by your decision to be with God and write the vision.

  • Cyndi
    May 18, 2015

    Being divorced is hard and I didn’t think this would apply to me but it all starts with my foundation. Why not start preparing myself. I may get another chance at marriage

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hi Cyndi! Our God is absolutely a second-chance giver. I’m praying for you. Healing, restoration and that you’ll find beauty in your strength and worth. You are His daughter and I believe He has good things in store for you. Thank you for reading and commenting! I pray you were encouraged!

  • Myndi
    May 18, 2015

    This post helped my perspective on marriage because it reinforced my belief that you don’t have to wait until you are married to prepare for marriage. My boyfriend and I have been together almost four years and we are not ready to get married yet. However, for several years now we have been working on our relationship as if we were married. We help each other make financial decisions and we both work on self-improvement so we can prepare ourselves for a future marriage. After reading this, I do like the idea of keeping a journal with life plans for after getting married. It helps make marriage not just a stopping point (with the wedding) but a life journey. I think this will re-invigorate my desire to work on preparing myself for marriage.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Awesome Myndi! I love this. Ryan and Amanda dated for 5 years before they got married. I think there is a lot of maturity in acknowledging that you’re not ready for that major step yet. As you two are preparing for that great day, be sure to include God in EVERYTHING! His wisdom is infallible and He knows the best way to do everything! Praying for you and your boyfriend’s relationship!

  • Desiray Boyd
    May 18, 2015

    I really applaud you Kandis. Thank you for such an incredible post. There is such great wisdom here for young and old to use when seeking marriage. I really loved the part “create culture” when you said you have a journal with questions to ask your future husband and kids. This really made think about doing one myself.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Desi!! Thanks sis! And absolutely, go for it!! Maybe we can share some questions :)

  • Lora O.
    May 18, 2015

    This post was so helpful for me and I am even more excited to read the book THE ONE. Honestly, this post and the story of the Leaks has encouraged me to just be myself, do me and follow my own convictions. The best thing for me to do is live up to my own standards, not those of others nor ones other have set for me. Can’t wait to hear more about the Leaks amazing journey!!!

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Congrats on winning!! And comparison is the absolute worst! Definitely a great idea to as God what He has for you specifically and go from that vantage point. Thank you for reading and commenting Lora!

  • Salayna Pereira
    May 18, 2015

    To be vulnerably honest, the longer I have to wait the more I hate reading about marriage! It’s sorta like twisting the dagger. But something won’t let this hopeful romantic lose all hope. I really don’t know what that something is either. A fresh start, recently though, has cleared space in my mind to dare to believe in it again! I guess that’s the thing, there is always a space for it! So I too recently started writing down what I want my marriage to be like along with mentally preparing myself to be somebody worth finding. Somebody who already finds the joy in life. I Also want to add more to his life as well, shifting the focus from just being about my needs. Something that surprised me about this blog post is that you feel that way about your future husband as well! I assumed that you weren’t in any way concerned, like I sometimes pretend not to be! It’s good to know that its ok to care. They all say, “It’ll happen when you aren’t looking” but I refuse to believe that all the successful marriages started with clueless, visionless women with no clue what they wanted.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      “I refuse to believe that all the successful marriages started with clueless, visionless women with no clue what they wanted.”

      Amen Salayna! I totally get your dilemma and trust this is not a topic I prefer to fantasize and harp on which is why I’ve only written about dating and relationships once or twice other than this post in the 7 years I’ve kept a public blog.

      God won’t let it die for me either and I believe there is something great in store for us both! He knows whats best and He knows what we need so lets trust Him with that and prepare ourselves in the meantime!

  • Clare R. Gamble
    May 18, 2015

    1. Did this post help or change your perspective on marriage? How?

    I have been single for a good bit of time now. I finally arrived at a place where all I see is God. I have met a few guys that seemed to have a love for the Lord on the surface but that is not so clear the more intimately I got to know them. I was tempted just to settle and give up on my dream of marrying the ideal “world changer” that I wrote on my vision list – I was also tempted to stay single. I don’t want to be with someone who is unequally yoked – I’d rather just rock it with Jesus alone. This part of your above post spoke to me and has restirred my heart in seeking out the spouse God has for me…

    “How will you recognize the person God has meant for you if you’re not intentional with Him? Take some time to think about your purpose for dating. Do you want someone you can change your community with, serve God with, or change the world with? Set your intention now, and then run from everyone else until you meet the one!

    Who you choose to marry will have the greatest impact on your destiny.”

    That is when I realized that there is an outward purpose to this life… to serve others, to love others, and that this life is not meant to be lived alone!!!! I do want to meet the man God has prepared for me! I have a passion to be a fire starter and a world changer for Christ – I can’t do that alone! I don’t need someone who will water that down! I need someone who will fuel that!

    2. What is one or two of the practical ways you’re going to work on your marriage now? I am not married, but two ways I can work on my marriage now is to 1. seek wisdom on how to be a godly wife 2. Pray for my future spouse now.

    Thank you for an awesome post.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Thank you for reading and commenting Clare and congrats on winning the bonus book!! I love that this post resonated with you so! Here’s one last bit of encouragement I’d like to throw in, don’t wait until you’ve met the guy to become that fire starter you desire to be, start now! Start as many fires and change the world as much as you can with the gifts, time and energy you have now. When you meet the guy, it’ll be like adding some logs to the fire that’s already burning! The momentum will build much faster then having to start from scratch.

  • Arin Thomas
    May 18, 2015

    I thought this was an amazing blog! As a woman who is planning on hopefully getting married to her boyfriend of 2 years, next August, this blog came just in time! This blog did change my perspective of marriage because it showed me that if you do the work and let go of the selfish things you want, marriage can be easier than the culture says it is. I came from a non Jesus following family where real, faithful Christ-centered marriages do not exist, and with me and my boyfriend talking about getting married next year, I have had my doubts. I just confessed them to him yesterday, and while it did not make him feel the best and I felt bad for making him feel bad, I still want to persevere and marry this man if its in the Lord’s plan, which I REALLY believe it is. I think the two things that you listed that shaped your views on marriage I believe I want to be my practical steps. I have already been intentionally praying for me and my boyfriend/future husband and our marriage. I pray that the Lord will have His way and lead us. I also like the idea of creating the culture thing you do. I have never heard of that before and would actually want to start. A practical thing my boyfriend and i do now besides pray about marriage is that we read books on marriage together to get some wisdom of what we are about to get ourselves into, which is why me receiving this book will be great for us. Also in the fall, we want to start attending serious dating couple classes to help us as well.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Arin with an A! :) Congrats on winning the book and I just believe it’s going to be a great blessing to you and your boyfriend’s relationship. I’d also highly recommend pre-engagement or pre-marital classes before you even get engaged. I’ve gone through one before when I was in a relationship and it was very eye-opening and helps you process and think through things before they become big problems in a marriage.

  • Bianca Gomez
    May 18, 2015

    I just turned 21 a couple of days ago and attend North Central University and most of my friends are either married or about to get married. This post just really inspired me to focus on myself and when the timing is right it will happen for me. That it’s worth the wait

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      I love it Bianca! Great perspective and congrats on winning! Hope you find the book encouraging!

  • Cait
    May 18, 2015

    I loved this! I know that I need to work on small things in my marriage and this book has so much great advice! I’m going to work on being present with my husband and also doing a small surprise each week, like his favorite dessert after dinner or planning something fun for us!

    • Adria
      May 18, 2015

      Check out a website called thedatingdivas.com. They have all kinds of cool ideas and surprises and they put them in a nice easy package for you. Best of all, most of it’s free.

      • Kandis
        May 25, 2015

        Thanks for sharing this Adria!

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Super cute idea Cait!! I might steal it for my future mate ;)

  • Ashley
    May 18, 2015

    This post was extremely enlightening and inspirational. I’ve watched quite a few of my friends get married and a few divorced or separated before I even thought about being married. You mentioned “I realized God had me preparing for marriage and I didn’t even realize it!” and suddenly a light went off. So many young people rush into marriage, which is essentially a major construction project, without the right foundation and as soon as the wind blows too hard, it comes tumbling down! I’m newly engaged and I plan to improve our upcoming union by first keeping God involved and secondly, focusing on the culture we’d like to represent “US”. I’d really love to read their book to possibly gain more insight on this.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      I love it Ashley! It can be a bit scary or discouraging when you’re seeing other marriages around you going through hard times, but definitely the foundation is a crucial first step in any relationship. I hope you’ll get the book! Congrats on your engagement!

  • Crissy
    May 18, 2015

    I absolutely love your blog and your style of writing so it makes it easy to read past 1400 words :-) This post is right on time for me. An interesting point that you mentioned is about the intentions of why I would want to get married. For a long time, I had a list on specifics, such as if I have a Bachelor’s, he has to at minimum have a Bachelor’s too, and has to be at least 6’2 because I’m a tall girl. But in actuality that doesn’t matter when I’m looking about the intentions of marriage from a Godly perspective. Thank you for challenging my perspective on that! To work towards the goal of one day being married with children, I have been on a personal journey especially after reading Jeffrey Johnson’s book, “Dialogue with My Daughters”, of focusing on my personal growth and my relationship with Christ. I want to be a complete whole person when I’m found by my husband.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Crissy! Thank you for the compliment!! You are sweet! And I’m so glad you were encouraged by this post to challenge your own original list. Jeffery Johnson is great! I’ll have to check out that book. Praying for you to feel and be completely whole now so that when your husband finds you, you will have more to give. Congrats on winning! Hope the book is super helpful to you on this journey!

  • Veronica
    May 18, 2015

    I’m going to start to become the wife I’m going to be in the future. I will continue to sit at the “Table for one” till my beloved comes. II will like to be ready when my time come and to continue working on being a better me.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Great plan Veronica! And serve as many people as you can!! May you be found faithful and diligent. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  • lanise
    May 18, 2015

    As of lately I’ve been having this urge that I want to get marry, have kids and have a family. All my friends and family that’s my age that’s what’s happening to them and I’m like why isn’t it happening to me? but with my questions answers always come from God and ways I wouldn’t imagine it. This post is just confirmation that’s right on time that I’m not ready to be someone’s wife and my “husband” is not ready to be my husband right now. It will all happen in do time. I love when you say
    “We should get married with the hope and intent to fulfill the purposes of God, to advance His Kingdom’s agenda, and to accomplish what He designed marriage to accomplish.” We both need our own testimony, and to know it was nothing but God that put this relationship together. Thanks for the post!!

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      I’m glad to hear the timing of this was perfect and I hope you enjoy reading the book! I tell you, comparison is such a thief, it robs you of the greatness found in your own story. I pray that you will begin to enjoy your life’s story more and more and that you’re husband will find a fulfilled and complete woman when he finds you.

  • Jen Acevedo
    May 17, 2015

    I loved this post! So many times I find myself expecting boys to fulfill my own list of criteria for what I want in a spouse such as good looks, funny, etc. I need to surrender this list, and trust God’s plan for my life. Often times we forget that WE get to play a role in our love story too! God is growing us and our future spouse daily! Ways to work on my marriage is to pray for my future spouse to be open and allow God to change his character and heart.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Yes! We’re such a huge part of the puzzle! The piece that we’re forgetting to put in place is often ourselves. Great perspective to work on the “me” first and allow yourself to become all of who God designed for you to be.

  • Erica
    May 17, 2015

    I enjoyed the post. This post helped to confirm my view points on a relationship and the purpose of marriage. I would love to win a free copy of this book!

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Thanks for reading and commenting Erica! I hope you enjoy the book!! :)

  • Jessica Ferguson
    May 17, 2015

    Awesome post Kandis!!! This post challenged and confirmed my views on marriage. It made me aware of the importance of intentionality with God when it comes to my mate. Before reading this, I don’t think I had a made a deliberate decision on what I wanted the purpose of my marriage to be. I knew the general purpose was to glorify God; but I hadn’t viewed it specifically based on my purpose. I look forward to reading the book. Thanks for sharing :)

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Awesome Jessica! So glad to hear this helped shift your perspective a bit to be more intentional and specific. Enjoy your free book!

  • Brittany JaNee' Turner
    May 17, 2015

    This is so cool! I had heard of their story a long time ago but didn’t know they were Christian or wrote a book. I loved the idea of a surprise wedding and often joked with my husband about it before we got married. I think what I’m doing to work on my marriage is to find my courage & confidence in God again. I know God has a plan and has shown me part of the end, but I fell like the pieces are so jumbled I have to be doing something wrong. And I’ve felt like I’ve been just digging into God again for that security. That’s all. Hoping that through this search I will become a better wife, mother and person.

    Great post!

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Girl, Jesus is the answer for it all. Confusion, failure, disappointment, he always knows how to get us back on track and equip us to be all that we need to be. So as you seek Him, I know He’ll honor you in that way, giving you creative ways to be a working wife and mother and friend and whatever other hats you may wear from day to day. Take the pressure off yourself and put it on God cause He knows what He’s doing way more than we do.

  • Adria Toliver Lemelle
    May 17, 2015

    Corey and I just celebrated six months of marriage. My struggle as a newlywed is to lose the part of myself that wants to put “me” first. I constantly have to remind myself that I have a responsibility to show my husband the love of God that I vowed to him on our wedding day, whether I really want to or not. I have committed to “praying before speaking” and it has really helped. I’ve been amazed at how quickly God will silence my tongue and replace my words with His. When I’m obedient, I can tell the difference in how our disagreements play out.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Adria! That’s a good one, “praying before speaking”…I’m sure that changes a lot! Glad to hear you’re growing through the context of your marriage! Congrats on 6 months and a lifetime to go!

  • Ashley
    May 17, 2015

    I truly believe you need to practice what you want to play one day. I work on my future marriage by challenging myself to cook a new a recipe every 2 weeks. Also, I intentionally serve those around me.

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Ashley! I love this and I’m gonna have to come grab one of those “new meals” so you can practice cooking for two ;) I love how you’re choosing to prepare now in two practical and important ways! Congrats on winning! Enjoy the book!

  • Sabrina Hamilton
    May 17, 2015

    Awesome post, Kandis! I learned this lesson the hard way but it confirms that I’m now on the right track in my current relationship. We talk alot about how we want our future marriage to show God’s love but never thought to write it down. Thanks for the idea!

    • Kandis
      May 25, 2015

      Hey Sabrina! Glad to hear this helped you in some way! Thank you for reading and I pray this has infinite impact in your relationship and in your world!

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