I didn’t start the day off with this smile.
I started it wishing something catastrophic would happen and cause me to be taken out the game of life either permanently or at least for an extended period of time.
In nearly every direction of my life I saw stress, hardship, hurt, disappointment, and frustration. And since I couldn’t extend the weekend to process it all, the best solution I could think of was sudden death or forceful removal from the rhythms of life due to misfortune.
Thank Jesus He is more creative than me and always has a better plan when it comes to problem solving. I spent my morning venting to Him about my feelings and in between vents, taking short naps I thought would magically change my life.
“Maybe if I go back to sleep and try this again, things will be different when I wake up.”
Three cycles of this I tried, yet every time I woke, the weight of reality was still roaring its bleak tale.
Operation: Sleep It Off? #Fail
By this point I’d ignored the world for as long as I could. Morning was soon passing the baton to noon and I couldn’t continue this slack-spined cycle any longer.
“Alright Kandis, get it together.”
Now came the joy of figuring out how to actually function with this immovable weight.
I should journal.
I should read my daily devotion.
I should pray.
I should read my Bible.
I should vent to God my raw emotions.
I drudged through each of these efforts like a slug in sludge.
My words were inadequate as I journaled.
My daily devotion didn’t meet my current need.
My Bible spoke on a topic I didn’t think applied.
My vent led to further frustration.
Nothing was fixing anything and I was running out of healthy options. I decided to make one last effort to try and swing this mood of mine—sing songs proclaiming the exact opposite emotions I felt. Songs of gratitude, songs that told me God was with me and fighting for me, songs that spoke life and hope, songs that reminded me of the blood and cross of Jesus Christ.
It took me a couple hours of listening and singing, but I eventually got there. I got to a place of hope. I got to a place of rest. I got to a place of joy and renewed strength.
That smile you see in the pic didn’t wake up with me that morning. It didn’t greet me with the sun and offer to stay with me throughout the day. No, it was given as a gift from the One I intentionally chose to delight myself in, even when my world told me not to.
I am convinced, there is absolutely no denying the power of praise (Psalm 22:3), the power of setting our minds on things above (Colossians 3:2), and the power of surrendering our burdened hearts to a loving Savior (1 Peter 5:7).
Jesus rescued me when I wanted to welcome death and destruction as a means to an end. I’m so so grateful He had a better way to get me back in the game of life—a way that didn’t involve an extended stay at somebody’s hospital or a permanent stay in somebody’s graveyard. Amen, somebody!
Have you ever had a turnaround day like this? How did you get to a better place?