So I’ve always thought books about relationships and dating were wack. I honestly still believe this in most cases, unless the book is about marriage— the existence of those makes perfect sense to me.
Despite my somewhat jaded view on what I consider, “Save Me, I’m Single!” books, tonight, I finished reading one.
Here’s the Backstory:
This book was first recommended and given to me by one of my mentors when I was in high school. At the time I used to hang out with an older crew of peeps in their 20s. Some of them read the book per our mentor’s suggestion, however, I looked at their lives and decided, apart from their heart and love for Jesus and having fun, I didn’t want to be like them…mainly when it came to their relationship situations.
THEY WERE ALL SINGLE AND “READY!!!”
Ok, some of them may read this and talk about me, but hey, that’s how I perceived them when I was a teen. I now know better…I think.
Needless to say, I never read the book and actually sold it. (Heartless and ungrateful right? I’m better now.)
Fast Forward to Present Day:
To make a long story short, Jesus brought the book back to my memory and told me I needed to read it. I ordered a copy with the new updated cover so it would at least look like a different book from the one I sold years back.
Now that I’ve read it, I totally get why my mentor wanted me to read it in high school…I could’ve avoided a lot of foolishness had I been obedient. I’m thankful God kept me from doing too much damage in my rebellion. Now I know better and I will definitely do better.
I’m not going to go in depth and explain the book cause I don’t like book reports, but I will share a few quotes that stood out to me.
The book is “Choosing God’s Best” by Dr. Don Raunikar.
Some of My Standouts:
Serving God is the best way to focus on your value and identity in Christ instead of your value to someone else.
The church should fill the void when a father or mother is not available.
Everyone has blind spots and everyone needs help to see problem areas that we tend to overlook or minimize.
God’s revelation of Himself won’t be much help to us if we refuse to believe what He says.
God’s design for marriage is a sacrificial male leading an honoring female.
Real contentment is realizing that a sovereign God is already at work on your behalf regardless of how the circumstances look.
If your supreme goal is to follow Christ, you will be directing your energies far more toward the will of God and the service of others than toward your own heart’s longing.
We must first love God above all others, have the spiritual calling to leave and then the commitment to cleave before we can become one flesh with one another.
A solid friendship is the cornerstone to a solid marriage.
When you trust God to be the rock of your romance, you’ll receive the blessings that come when you commit yourself to romance God’s way.
Dr.Don shares that a relationship, God’s way should develop in the following order: spiritual oneness, emotional oneness, then physical oneness. This of course follows AFTER an initial commitment to court* is made. Here’s what each of those stages look like:
1. Spiritual Oneness: To build a solid marriage, the first cornerstone is the development of spiritual oneness through prayer, Bible study, and ministry opportunities (Ecc. 4:12)
2. Emotional Oneness: The next building block in a good marriage is the development of emotional oneness through sharing personal needs and feelings with each other. This is the point where you may guard your heart from others, but you can fully reveal your heart to your mate (Proverbs 4:23)
3. Physical Oneness: The last step of the courtship process is becoming one physically after marriage (Gen 2:24). When a couple reserves physical intimacy until after marriage, they have a deeper sense of security and trust for one another.
So I’ll stop here…just a few nuggets for you! Hopefully this has encouraged you to reconsider your thoughts about dating or even choose to read the book for yourself.
Although I naturally want to be ashamed of myself for reading a “wack singles book,” I can’t because it honestly helped a lot…and it totally wasn’t wack.
Thank you Jesus for always knowing and giving us what we need, even when we don’t want it.
* Courtship is a biblical process of finding and choosing a mate while glorifying God and honoring and respecting each other. It has the long-term end in view. There are now casual “tryouts” and it is reserved only for couples spiritually and emotionally ready for marriage.